


Trial By Fire

by Northisnotup



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: Coming Out, Family, Gen, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 04:37:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/635195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northisnotup/pseuds/Northisnotup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has to face it, that look, the knowing look of disapproval as you sit your mother down to tell her something she doesn't want to hear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trial By Fire

Regan Tam’s grey eyes surveyed her son’s face, trying to remain impassive. He was pale. But then, he’d always been pale. It just seemed to be more obvious now, by his skin and by his clothes, that he hadn’t gotten any sunlight in a long while. His clothes were creased from being folded, worn from being washed and patched. She tried hard not to wince. Simon’s hair, while brushed in its usual style, was too long, just beginning to curl at the ends. Her lips pursed, hands clenching to restrain themselves from touching him. He’d always hated to be touched, except by River. But then, River had always been the exception to every rule.

“Hello Simon. It’s been awhile.” Regan’s lips pursed again, ugly wrinkles forming in self directed anger. Her voice sounded sad and forced, even to her own ears. A sigh left her lips as she watched his shoulders slump. “No- Simon, I… please. I am happy to see you, I am.” She rushed to assure him as he gathered himself to go.

She’d never thought that she would see her first born again. River, well, she still woke up some nights thinking River would be found dancing in the kitchen, sulking as Regan came around the corner. (“You woke up too soon. Breakfast isn’t ready yet.”) Simon, though; he was too much like Gabriel, stubborn and proud. River was his everything and always had been. “Oh, Simon,” she murmured helplessly, hands reaching out to smooth over his arm.

Well, this is awkward. Simon Tam- former fugitive on the run, wanted man, medic on the ship Serenity, ran by mad brown coats, once the respected Dr. Simon Tam- bit his lip, suppressing a sigh as his mothers eyes ran over him. Mal had asked, in fact, he’d offered quite kindly to come with him, and after Simon had turned him down, then had come Zoe, and then Inara, while Kaylee offered to watch River, who knew he had to do this on his own.

Jayne was the only one who'd fought to go with him. Had waited for him in the cargo bay, as if the argument that occurred earlier had gone in his favour. He was unarmed, and while that was a nicety it just meant that Simon couldn’t get shot while telling the mercenary to go the fuck away.

He wished now with everything he had that he'd taken Zoe up on her offer, but being heavily pregnant, that probably would have sent the wrong message. So too would Inara, a companion, and Kaylee, well... Kaylee knew, but his mother would have been so thrilled with the nice, clean looking girl he brought home that she wouldn't listen to anything he said. Jayne would have caused too much trouble, Mal didn’t know, and River… River would have broken their mother’s heart more than what he planned to say was going to.

“I’m glad to see you too, mother.” His teeth sank into his lips again, hands fidgeting of their own accord, just as they did when he was little and his mother’s eyes swept over him, the same way they were doing now. She was clearly not happy with what she saw, though she was happy enough to try to lighten the oppressive mood. Dragging him into the sitting room, getting tea and starting her nervous chatter; it was one of the traits he unfortunately inherited from her. There was shopping, and how long are you staying, and how’s your sister- oh? Pilot of a ship, is she? Well isn’t that nice, didn’t I tell you she was fine. Would you like me to call the hospital for you, I know some nice girls around here, and drink your tea dear it’s getting cold-

“Mother!” Simon finally gained the presence of mind to interrupt her, feeling at a loss. He should have known this would happen. She might not have been the warmest person ever, but she was still his mother and he had missed her; he didn’t want to hurt her. But now things were straying from The Plan. With mother there always had to be a Plan and it was slipping, leaving Simon feeling like the ten year old boy who broke her favourite vase and was helpless to stop her from crying. Even as he made the plan this morning, he knew it would not go over well, and he knew it now as her polite hostess mask fell into a lost look that should never be on her face. He also knew that this time, glue and money were not going to fix the problem. He had to press on.

“They were experimenting on River. She is everything they ever wanted and more, a very dangerous weapon. We were the ones who put the broadcast out on Miranda. She’s the pilot of the transport ship Serenity and I’m the medic. There’s also…” Simon paused, licking his lips but not daring to glance at her face. “Mal, the captain and Zoe, she’s second in command and expecting twins…” A small smile twisted his features, remembering the joy that lit up her face as he told her that her loss of menstruation had not been because of stress or grief. She had laughed. For the first time in two months she’d laughed even while she cried. “Kaylee, the mechanic… and then there’s Inara and Jayne who are, um… public relations.” Simon shrugged, helpless for other more elegant names for a mercenary and a companion.

They lapsed into tense silence, Regan holding her hands tightly in her lap, eyes roaming. Simon nearly groaned in frustration, one hand running haphazardly through his hair, gripping the strands and pulling them.

“Listen, that’s not… I’m just. Damnit, mother.” Yes. Definitely the ten year old again. “That’s not what I wanted to say. It’s not why I’m here,” Now his fingers, calloused and scarred from the years aboard Serenity, reached out to hers. “There’s someone I want you to meet. We’ve been together for… almost 6 months now, um….” Simon took a deep breath, wincing as her hands gripped his in excitement. Knowing he was about to dash every hope she might have had.

“His name is Jayne.” Emotions fluttered like butterflies wings across Regan’s face. Disbelief, confusion, anger. She settled on anger.

“What do you mean, he?” Impassive eyes watched as his mother drew herself up straighter, letting go of his hands as if burned. “You are mistaken, young man, if you think I will for one second allow… what were you thinking, Simon? Tell me! What? A man…. I knew you wouldn’t have much choice for taste out there, but-!”

Every word after that floated on by, Simon not bothering to even listen to her ranting. It was all the same guilt trip ‘how dare you’ he’d heard over and over anyway, only this time with the addition of “out there.” She spat on it like it was a curse, and to the distinguished Regan Tam, it was probably the closest thing to one. There. Serenity. The Rim. The Black, all the not so perfect places he’d called home for the past two years and with it comforting thoughts of the people who’d become family for him and his sister.

“But really? What will the neighbours say?”

“I don’t know, mother.” Tiredly, he forced his head up to meet her disappointed eyes and the furious tilt to her chin. “What will they say? Who cares what they say. I’m happy, doesn’t that mean anything to you at all?”

“What will your father say?” A tense silence settled over the duet, knowledge looming of the unavoidability of telling Gabriel Tam. As the minutes passed with the chiming of teacups as the only noise, anger slowly seeped out of the mother, leaving a tired old woman who missed her family.

“Does he have to know?” Simon’s voice was weak now and his hands shook as thoughts about how his father would react passed though his mind. His mother was always the better choice to talk to, more logical, less extreme; she might freak out and stress, but she wouldn’t disown him at the drop of a hat.

“He’s your father, not some monster hiding under the bed.” Calming her nerves, steeling herself, Regan took a thoughtful sip of tea. “He might not-”

“Mother, he’ll disown us.” Simon stated, focusing again on his hands. Folded tightly in his lap now, clutching the delicate teacup a bit too hard.

Regan’s head snapped up from where she had been gazing demurely out the window, wisps of hair coming out from her elegant coif to frame an aging forehead gracefully. “I’ll thank you not to interrupt me, Simon.” He winced at her sharp tone, daring to glance up from his hands to his mother’s tense form. “He’s your father. He has the right to know. You told me because I’m your mother and I love you. It might take him awhile, but…” Regan trailed off meaningfully, gazing at her son. So proud, but so frightened.

“I lost my children once, Simon, and out of foolishness at that. I will not do it again.”

And just like a warm cup of hot chocolate and a story had the ability to scare monsters from the dark, that tone soothed the frazzled nerves of a anxious young man. A small smile blossomed on Simon’s face, despite the grave tension on the room. That was the absolute ‘because I said so’ tone that, when used, booked no arguments. Not from her children, her employees or her husband. When Regan Tam squared her shoulders and that tone came out, she meant business.

Finally, with that first big hump over with, after getting past the anger and fighting, Simon took a long, deep breath. It didn’t go well, but on the bright side, it also could have gone much worse. Blue eyes now darted around the room, looking for something, anything to start a conversation with and lift the awkward silence. The china in his grasp felt too smooth, too fancy, the delicate raised designs catching on the calluses formed on his once immaculate hands. This place, his home, it was so far gone from his world. There was no way he could imagine Jayne in here, calmly sipping tea and trying not to be crude. Inara could handle herself with poise in any situation, and for that he envied her. But he wasn’t Inara and Dr. Simon Tam has lost a lot of his core sophistication while _out there._

“Mother, I know you don’t approve- but I didn’t come here for your, or father’s approval. I came so that when River and I come to the core, if you still want to see us, you’ll have to be prepared for a third guest too. Jayne is a part of my life now.” Eyes finally done tracing the fine flower patterns, Simom looked up prepared for more yelling and ready to seriously fight his parents for the second time in his life for something he really wanted.

But Regan was not yelling, she was not scandalized, and she was not angry. She was a weary older woman who hadn’t gotten to see, talk to or about her only children for two years. Ever since River and Simon had disappeared she had faced a mother’s worst nightmare, and she had faced it alone. Gabriel had taken all their pictures down, locked the doors to their rooms and suddenly their children might as well have never existed to him. When their friends had asked, his reply was the standard ‘children? What children?’ and down would go whatever drink they were being offered.

“Once upon a time…” And she smiled as, like always, Simon scowled and there went the eyes rolling away. Just like she had when she was younger, if there was anything mother and son shared it was their dislike of perfect fairytales. “I sat across from your grandparents and tried to convince them your father was a good enough man to marry me. I didn’t need their approval, but I wanted it, and I thought that maybe they would understand just what I was feeling, because even though they were old surely they must remember what it felt like to be young and in love.” Her son was staring at her openly now, mouth almost a gape with shock. The same surprised wonder in his eyes as when she told him how to solve a complicated formula in advanced calculus.

“So,” Regan cleared her throat and rang the bell for more tea. If that the just the beginning of the conversation, she had a feeling they would need it. Raising the cup to her lips she inhaled for the first time the wonderful scent of the tea she’d been sipping but not really tasting. Steeped Darjeeling, with two shots of cream and one lump of sugar. Delightful. “What’s this… Jayne like?”


End file.
